Timelords Don't Drive
by maddiedacat
Summary: What happens when The Doctor is forced by River to drive a car, instead of the TARDIS? *sorry I'm rubbish at summaries*


**I thought of this randomly on a road trip with my family. It was quite an awkward road trip now that I think back on it actually. I sat in the passenger, while my New Zealander uncle sang Teagan and Sara music. My cousin and his best friend (who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me) sat behind us, playing violent video games like most teenage boys, and my other cousin was in the very back making out with her "friend" and laughing.**

**Yeah, to avoid the awkward, I zone out and think of stories a lot. So you are all in luck because my life is filled with awko-taco-ness.**

* * *

With a small army from Raxicoricofallapatorius hot on their trail, The Doctor and River searched for the TARDIS.

"It's seemed to have magically disappeared, _Sweetie_." River muttered in an agitated sing-songy voice. He raised his armed in mock surrender and they continued running, looking around for the machine. How hard was it to find a 1960's Police Call Box in 2013?

"Come _on_!" She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, nearly ripping his precious red bow-tie. He lost his balance a little and fell to the ground. Before he could dust himself off and stand up, he was dragged upwards again by his wife. He suddenly found himself inside a large machine with four wheels, which he believed to be called, a car...

And he was in the driver's seat.

Now this old Timelord could travel through all of space and time, in his sleep, but when it came to a complex human contraption such as this, well he had never even thought of attempting it.

"What do I do?!" He wailed, looking at River curiously. She smirked back at him and motioned with her hands for him to start the car and drive.

He pulled a lever beside the seat further away from him so that it was to a letter 'R' he had no clue why he chose that one, but he just did. Then he hit the peddle. Nothing. It must have been the brakes, so he moved his foot over and pressed down on that one tentatively. The car jolted backwards and he screamed. He heard the ridiculous, River Song, laughing at him from the passenger's seat, but he didn't dare look, he may crash the car. She leaned over and pulled the lever to the number '2'. This time the car jolted forwards.

Then a thought hit him: Shouldn't she (she meaning his wife) know how to drive? She had spent half her time on Earth and was raised here. He had even seen her previous regeneration, Mels, drive a car at top speed, so why had he been put at the wheel.

The answer was quite clear, but being the brilliantly-daft alien he was, he didn't figure it out.

He decided to bring this point up to her while (thankfully) turning onto a relatively straight road, which was barely occupied; only a few cars driving past. "River? Could you par chance... take over the driving?"

"I beg your pardon?" She chuckled at him.

"Uh... w-well, you do know how to drive. So I was wondering, could you drive; it may prevent us from death."

She laughed again and shook her head, her blonde curls blocked her vision when she did this and she pushed them behind her ears. This barely helped, but it had been worth a shot. "Nope, I'm quite enjoying watching you." He blushed at the suggestive tone of her voice, "Plus, Sweetie, if anyone should be worrying about death it should be me, you'll regenerate, and I'll parish."

He shook his head and bit his slightly. Why must River always be so morbid, and make him think about her death. She DIED for him at the Library, and he didn't even know her then. He hadn't felt real pain until he had realized that his wife was the mysterious woman who had called him "pretty boy" that day. He snapped out of his trance and focused on the road again.

River still occasionally laughed at his nervous cries and expressions. Lots of times he narrowly avoided other cars.

"Do you think we lost them?" The Doctor asked after a short silence.

"I'd say so. Hey, isn't that the TARDIS?" She peered out of the window and into an adjacent field.

"Thank god." He sighed, almost as a prayer. His foot flew off the pedal and and the car came skidding to a slow halt.

* * *

When they were finally back in the comfort of the big blue box, the Doctor finally calmed down. Partially because River had given him a few kisses, and how he liked her kisses.

He suddenly remembered a question that had been in his mind a little earlier that day. "River, whose car did we take?" She shrugged her shoulders in reply, and he continued asking her questions. "Well how did you get into it? Aren't cars usually locked?"

"Yes, but we have a certain useful thing called the sonic screwdriver." She cooed.

"Oh." He smiled down at her and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I don't like driving, driving is so not cool." he whispered jokingly in her ear. This earned him a smile and a long and especially cheeky kiss.

_'If this is the reward I get',_ he thought, '_I may drive more often.'_


End file.
